Some days I can’t believe I dated Jason -____-
Everyone talks about how nice he is but that was it, nice. Heaven knows we need nice people in the world, but I have more needs than nice.
We started dating when our mutual friends kind of asked me out for him … it was “cute” at the time but retrospectively, embarrassingly submissive. Shouldn’t I be with someone that can ask me out … by themself? Want me enough to come out of their shell to want me?
I know Jason made a lot of monetary sacrifices to spend time with me, which is pretty impressive, but now that I think about his mindset, money was really nothing to him. It’s something we save carefully but spend thoughtlessly. Why would he do things so thoughtlessly if they’re supposed to be for me?
I don’t know. I feel like a bitch, but at the same time I feel like people were disappointing. I miss the friendship of the group I used to be a part of, and the love I felt from them. It hurts to see they continue to share that love without me; in fact, they probably talk about how much of a bitch I am. I didn’t even mean to hurt them, yet I guess I did, and I miss them.
I hate to account my breakup with Jason for my breakup with this group, but the thoughts collide. I guess different paths are not bad paths but I thought we could at least share Christmas like we used to.